November 9, 2011: My grandmother had been in the hospital for a long time now. She had been placed in ICU. My mother was at the hospital visiting with her. She called us (my siblings and I). She told us that we may lose her. So many emotions running through my mind. I couldn’t believe this news. My grandmother wasn’t supposed to leave us so soon. I needed her, I loved her. Our pastor picked us up and drove us to the hospital to see her. I remember her face, I remember her words. She told me she loved me.
November 13, 2011: My parents had been at the hospital all day while we were at Church. We came home that Sunday night joyful from spending time with our Church family. My mother gathered us together and she gave us the news. Our grandmother was going to die. The doctors had nothing else they could do. Only God could change circumstances. I ran to my room and cried. I cried out to God. Asking Him for strength. Begging Him for help. I didn’t know how I could face this. I finally could go out of my room. I asked my mom if we could go see her. I needed to see her one last time before she was gone forever. I remember going into her ICU room. She was suffering and there was nothing I could do. She was thirsty and I couldn’t give her any water. All I could do was look at her and pray. I was about to lose my grandmother.
November 16, 2011: My uncle and my great aunt flew out the Monday before. My dad had taken my siblings and I to Church while my mom, great aunt, and uncle were at the hospital with my grandmother. It was right in the middle of the lesson our Youth Pastor was giving. My dad came to get my brother and I. And he gave me the news. My grandmother was gone. I was never going to see her smile, feel her arms around me, or hear her laughter. God had taken her home. I cried out loudly.
November 21, 2011: It was the night of her viewing. I can remember all the people there. Her friends and family. People that she had touched. I could see their tears. Every time I would look at my grandmother’s face I would cry. It was a reminder that she was no longer here.
November 22, 2011: Her funeral. I cried throughout the service. We drove the the cemetery. It was raining. The pastor spoke a few minutes before she was taken out to be buried. I barely remembered any words spoken that day. I was crying most of the time.
Today: I still cry when I think of losing her. But I’m joyous when I think about all the lives she touched, including mine. She has almost been gone for a year now. I’ve gone through many experiences now in life. I’ve done things in life that I wish she would’ve been here to see. But she wasn’t. And in those times where I feel complete and utter pain, I look to Christ. My rock, my comforter, my friend. Her death brought me closer to God. I looked and look towards Him for my comfort. No one else loved me more than He did during that painful time. And no one loves me more than He does now.